Zombieland Tallahassee Costume |
Halloween is nigh, and you crave a costume as fresh as newly rotting flesh, yet one that also sets you apart from the mundane monster-mayhem crowd. Sure, you could, along with everyone else, doll up in excess eyeliner and plastic fangs in pursuit of that glamorafied Cullen look from Twilight , but let's be honest: Even the hottest Halloween hottie is gonna come off as mere daywalker-wannabe minus Robert Pattinson's tousled locks, pouty eyes and sunken cheekbones …
There's a far better way to try to capture Halloween Hollywood cool this year. Instead of posing as some prettified undead coffin-sleeper fueled by gothic blood-lusting, gear up as a living, breathing badass bent not on being, but instead on slaying, the undead! This Halloween, think zombie-killer, and not just any enemy of the recently reanimated, either – go for the new king-daddy zombie-popper himself, Woody Harrelson as the character Tallahassee in current hit horror-comedy "Zombieland."
Once you've got your own zombie-killer thing goin' on, you're all set to strut right up to complete strangers and utter fabulous one-liners like, "You got a pretty mouth!" and "Time to nut up or shut up!" Those wimpy Children of the Night don't get to say righteous crap like that!
Here are a few pointers on looking like the best whiskey-swillin', zombie-killin' yahoo around. (Note: People under 21 should ignore all of this, and maybe just buy a Jason hockey mask instead.)
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Cool-ass hat. The essential bit. And for true Tallahassee attitude, only the right hat-itude will cut it: Duding up in country-singer cowboy headwear is gonna miss the mark here, podnah. The real thing, in this case, is the Real Deal Brazil, our own genuine recycled-truck-tarp hat, to give Tallahassee his crazy-ass sense of comic s***kicker cool. And once Halloween 2009 has melted back into the shadows, we're confident that your new RDB hat will still be making mucho guest appearances atop your own crazy-ass cabeza!
Get Your Own Real Deal Brazil Zombie Killin' Hat Here. |
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Shades 'n' scruff. Try the sunglasses-tree at just about any drugstore for suitable NASCAR-country-boy eyewear. And if you can't muster up some fast whisker growth for a sloppy goatee, then dot your cheeks and chin with an eyeliner pencil for a quick patch of 5 o'clock hair-face. |
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He-man necklaces. Wood beads, heavy chains, metal or fake-bone pendants. Kind of a Cracker Jacks-prize approach to men's jewelry, really. Any available dollar store should get you there. |
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Leathers. You could probably pull off a jean jacket in a pinch, but Tallahassee is all about classic heavy leather, when he's not seriously rednecking it up in snakeskin. But not leather with too much sheen, and more motorcycle-style than bomber. |
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V-neck T. There's something about a low-cut T-shirt that just says you're badass. (Unless, of course, you're seriously out of shape, and wearing sweatpants. Then it kinda says 3 a.m. Walmart shopper instead.) Maroon is Tallahassee 's color, but any dark V-neck T should do the trick.
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Belt. Something with a big ol' metal buckle. |
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Jeans. No designer “holes,” acid-washed streaks or black thread; the simple workin' man's standard, Levi's, is best. To achieve that I've-just-endured-the-apocalypse feel, rub charcoal on your hands and then smear them on your thighs. You dirty little zombie-killer, you!
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Weapon-holder, or (fake) weapon. The average leather gun holster is too small, but a leather sheaf for a long fish-filleting knife would do it, strapped to your belt, and then tied at the bottom around your left thigh with yet another belt. In the absence of that, just get yourself a toy rifle, or a toy AK-47, if such a thing is available at, y'know, Toy Guns 'R Us. The key word here is “toy.” Halloween surprise + packing real heat = bang, bang, someone's bad-dead, not funny-undead.
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Boots. Cowboy, not biker, style. Suede or natural says serious boot-wearer, but snakeskin lends kick-ass redneck cred in a red-hot second. |
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Additional fun props: Jack Daniels bottle, box of Hostess Twinkies, banjo, long-handled pruning shears.*
* Note of caution: Hard liquor, mystery-cream-filled snack-cakes, poorly played bluegrass music and sharp garden implements can cause serious harm to the still-living. |
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